Tag: poetry

i’m sorry

i’m sorry i couldn’t get back up
and finish the fight

i’m sorry i didn’t tell you
that i loved you

i’m sorry i couldn’t keep my promise
to be there forever

i’m sorry i didn’t see you smile
one last time

i’m sorry i couldn’t give you the stars
and the moon

i’m sorry i didn’t do more
while i was here

i’m sorry i couldn’t block out
the darkness in my soul

but mostly,
i’m sorry i didn’t say goodbye

⌛

rain plummets
as the storm passes overhead,
painting the canvas beneath.

a clearing in the clouds
indicates the finale,
the endless battle
coming to a close.

silence fills the crowd
surrounding the hole,
more rain collecting in the grass.

will this be a celebration
of the fight ending?
or
will this be a mourning
of the war lost?

to one, a victory.

to others, not.

this way.

this way

i’m tired of being this way

of forcing a smile
that never reaches me,
of pretending positivity
can quiet everything
that refuses to be silent.

i can’t escape the stress,
can’t outrun my own thoughts,
can’t seem to think clearly
or act properly.

and the worst part
is knowing i want to change,
but feeling like
i don’t even know
how to become someone
who can finally breathe.

someone who can blink
without tears falling.

↔️

a dirt path winds,
guiding a lost soul to harmony
in a world of chaos.

the scenery appears to repeat,
the same footprints overlapping
and hope begins to fade.

is it all the same?

is it at all worth it?

as despair sets in,
a fork appears,
setting up a choice-

go left,
continue down the path
and replay the story again.

go right,
step into darkness
and rest with despair.

it’s been a long journey,
maybe some rest is needed.

maybe it’s right.

hope

                                 the moon awoke
            to greet the wishful souls,
                but my own was absent
from the crowd.

              hope is all,
                         but what is hope
        if surrounded by darkness and fear?



                       to wish is to hope.


   

        

                 

                  and my soul lost all of it.

break.

i wanted to write something here about my recent lack of posts over these last couple of months and my mental state regarding it all. poetry has been something that i have been so passionate about my entire life, and  hopefully will forever be something i enjoy doing. opening myself up to the world and posting my work for all to see has been an experience that has helped change me for the better and been a major factor in the way of breaking my shell. however, i would be lying if i said i did not feel like i have been losing my desire to write over these last 6 months.

i have countless times either picked up my pen and attempted to write in my journal or gotten behind a keyboard to try to type the thoughts out into my own art, but i have not been able to at a level that feels like.. me? i am not sure how to quite explain it but even with a recent boost of positive emotions in my life, i cannot find the words to put out writing that i deem acceptable.

i am hopeful that this is not me losing my desire to continue writing and simply a roadblock that my mind cannot figure a way around, but i am not sure at this point. i used to think my writing is dependent on a single emotion overwhelming me a bit by sort of “forcing” me to put thoughts to paper, but i’m not sure that is the case anymore. i have had a variety of emotions overwhelming me in the last couple of months but none have given me any desire to write. sure i have posted some here and there, but they are not ones i am fully happy with and moreso just me trying to keep this active.

with all of that being said, i am doing very well with my mental state currently. i would personally argue this is the happiest i have been with myself in a very long time and it’s not from any sources besides myself. i am focused on only me, my goals, and my life and that is something i have not done arguably ever. thank you to all that have supported. whether it’s loud or silent, i appreciate it and i feel it. i am going to disappear for a bit and if i ever come back to this site, i will be excited to share my work with you all that actually embodies me, jacob nathaniel roggensack.

thank you.

🇺🇸

the flag still waves,
but is it a distraction?

statements are practiced
as the truth remains hidden,
files blacked out-
providing protection for those
who deserve none.

people vanish into the air,
into holding cells,
into statistics
that don’t add up.

for our security,
it’s a necessity,
ignore the truth.

some call it normal,
like it’s how life should be.

what is safe about that?

the country claims it has strength,
but strength doesn’t look like
missing names
empty files
forced silence.

the shame hangs low
as if the flag
forgot what it once stood for.




but DOW is over $50,000.

how

how is one meant to cry
if the tears refuse to fall?

how is one meant to smile
if the pain is too much?

how is one meant to push
if the burden is too heavy?

how is one meant to shine
if the rain doesn’t stop?

how is one meant to grow
if the room is too small?

how is one meant to love
if the heart is cracked?

how is one meant to speak
if the words remain silent?

how is one meant to wait
if the train is moving?

how is one meant to heal
if the wound is too deep?

how is one meant to continue
if the desire is gone?

it will repeat.

i stare at it,
ringing as if i am still asleep,
desperately trying to wake me
for another day.

i scan my badge,
wearing a mask
riddled with cracks
as the clock ticks slowly.

i drive home,
music blasting
but my thoughts sit in silence,
endlessly replaying in their yard.

i get inside,
my mind static
as i wait for my body to collapse,
accepting sleep like it’s the only ending
i will receive.

all to repeat it over again,
the same cycle as
yesterday,
today,
and tomorrow.