i understand

it’ll hurt

the final look
as i walk out the door.

the final smile
as i think about you
and the memories.

the final hug
as i hold on just long enough,
hoping you notice
my shaking.

the final tear
as i let go
in the silence of my own,
my only company
the blade.

the final goodbye
as i close my eyes
to the peace i have been seeking.

it’ll hurt,
but you’ll forget.

i understand.

tonight.

no more tears.

they have said everything
my mouth could not.

no more
counting the hours
until another endless night
finally loosens its grip
around my neck.

i am tired of pretending
i can carry this
through the hours.

so tonight,
i think
i’ll set it down.

not forever-
just here,
just for a moment.

tonight,
i will let the silence
hold what i cannot.

let the silence
fill the dark
as my heart crumbles.

i’m sorry

i’m sorry i couldn’t get back up
and finish the fight

i’m sorry i didn’t tell you
that i loved you

i’m sorry i couldn’t keep my promise
to be there forever

i’m sorry i didn’t see you smile
one last time

i’m sorry i couldn’t give you the stars
and the moon

i’m sorry i didn’t do more
while i was here

i’m sorry i couldn’t block out
the darkness in my soul

but mostly,
i’m sorry i didn’t say goodbye

⌛

rain plummets
as the storm passes overhead,
painting the canvas beneath.

a clearing in the clouds
indicates the finale,
the endless battle
coming to a close.

silence fills the crowd
surrounding the hole,
more rain collecting in the grass.

will this be a celebration
of the fight ending?
or
will this be a mourning
of the war lost?

to one, a victory.

to others, not.

this way.

this way

i’m tired of being this way

of forcing a smile
that never reaches me,
of pretending positivity
can quiet everything
that refuses to be silent.

i can’t escape the stress,
can’t outrun my own thoughts,
can’t seem to think clearly
or act properly.

and the worst part
is knowing i want to change,
but feeling like
i don’t even know
how to become someone
who can finally breathe.

someone who can blink
without tears falling.

↔️

a dirt path winds,
guiding a lost soul to harmony
in a world of chaos.

the scenery appears to repeat,
the same footprints overlapping
and hope begins to fade.

is it all the same?

is it at all worth it?

as despair sets in,
a fork appears,
setting up a choice-

go left,
continue down the path
and replay the story again.

go right,
step into darkness
and rest with despair.

it’s been a long journey,
maybe some rest is needed.

maybe it’s right.

hope

                                 the moon awoke
            to greet the wishful souls,
                but my own was absent
from the crowd.

              hope is all,
                         but what is hope
        if surrounded by darkness and fear?



                       to wish is to hope.


   

        

                 

                  and my soul lost all of it.