break.

i wanted to write something here about my recent lack of posts over these last couple of months and my mental state regarding it all. poetry has been something that i have been so passionate about my entire life, and  hopefully will forever be something i enjoy doing. opening myself up to the world and posting my work for all to see has been an experience that has helped change me for the better and been a major factor in the way of breaking my shell. however, i would be lying if i said i did not feel like i have been losing my desire to write over these last 6 months.

i have countless times either picked up my pen and attempted to write in my journal or gotten behind a keyboard to try to type the thoughts out into my own art, but i have not been able to at a level that feels like.. me? i am not sure how to quite explain it but even with a recent boost of positive emotions in my life, i cannot find the words to put out writing that i deem acceptable.

i am hopeful that this is not me losing my desire to continue writing and simply a roadblock that my mind cannot figure a way around, but i am not sure at this point. i used to think my writing is dependent on a single emotion overwhelming me a bit by sort of “forcing” me to put thoughts to paper, but i’m not sure that is the case anymore. i have had a variety of emotions overwhelming me in the last couple of months but none have given me any desire to write. sure i have posted some here and there, but they are not ones i am fully happy with and moreso just me trying to keep this active.

with all of that being said, i am doing very well with my mental state currently. i would personally argue this is the happiest i have been with myself in a very long time and it’s not from any sources besides myself. i am focused on only me, my goals, and my life and that is something i have not done arguably ever. thank you to all that have supported. whether it’s loud or silent, i appreciate it and i feel it. i am going to disappear for a bit and if i ever come back to this site, i will be excited to share my work with you all that actually embodies me, jacob nathaniel roggensack.

thank you.

🇺🇸

the flag still waves,
but is it a distraction?

statements are practiced
as the truth remains hidden,
files blacked out-
providing protection for those
who deserve none.

people vanish into the air,
into holding cells,
into statistics
that don’t add up.

for our security,
it’s a necessity,
ignore the truth.

some call it normal,
like it’s how life should be.

what is safe about that?

the country claims it has strength,
but strength doesn’t look like
missing names
empty files
forced silence.

the shame hangs low
as if the flag
forgot what it once stood for.




but DOW is over $50,000.

how

how is one meant to cry
if the tears refuse to fall?

how is one meant to smile
if the pain is too much?

how is one meant to push
if the burden is too heavy?

how is one meant to shine
if the rain doesn’t stop?

how is one meant to grow
if the room is too small?

how is one meant to love
if the heart is cracked?

how is one meant to speak
if the words remain silent?

how is one meant to wait
if the train is moving?

how is one meant to heal
if the wound is too deep?

how is one meant to continue
if the desire is gone?

it will repeat.

i stare at it,
ringing as if i am still asleep,
desperately trying to wake me
for another day.

i scan my badge,
wearing a mask
riddled with cracks
as the clock ticks slowly.

i drive home,
music blasting
but my thoughts sit in silence,
endlessly replaying in their yard.

i get inside,
my mind static
as i wait for my body to collapse,
accepting sleep like it’s the only ending
i will receive.

all to repeat it over again,
the same cycle as
yesterday,
today,
and tomorrow.

🌸🌺🌼

some stare at the sun,
fans that stole its name
as they smile upon it.

some rest their eyes in darkness,
waiting until first light
to unveil their beauty.

some pass along love,
bringing others together
in moments of vulnerability.

some can produce sweetness,
a bite producing flavors and juices
that fill an appetite.

in combination,
they create such wonder-
love, sadness, compassion, joy,
and much more.

no matter,
any creation would fill my void
and complete the beat
my heart has been missing.

🎂

the clock reaches twelve,
like it’s been waiting all year
to do this to me.

no candles,
no voices filled with song,
just the wind stinging my cheeks.

my birthday ends,
and nothing arrives with it.

the quiet invites itself in,
so heavy it knocks the air out of me,
louder than any wish i never said out loud.

a single tear slips free-
warm, unannounced,
as if my body understood before i did.

this is the moment
where hope stops pretending-
where endings are finished.

the past feels distant now,
names erased by time,
memories thinning like old photographs left in the sun

i don’t argue anymore-
i just listen
as the clock ticks.

and in that stillness,
i finally understand.

this was the sign-
the last one i needed.

🎆

another cycle complete,
highs that made me feel invincible,
lows that almost swallowed me whole.
chaos in between,
like the world had no idea what its plan was.

loved deeply,
cried harder than i thought possible,
smiled until it hurt,
laughed so much that i went silent.

screamed at the universe,
and then sat in its peace,
finding stillness in the spaces between the noise.

stood at that cliff and took in life,
every memory began to flood
as i closed my eyes and took a leap-
landed on my feet.

through it all,
still standing, still breathing,
and somehow,
i’m so damn happy.

this year was mine.
all the mess, all the beauty,
i made it through,
and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

🔌

hollowed out and quiet,
the days are just rooms
i walk through
because the doors happen to be open.

there is no gold at the end of the hall,
no sudden light,
just the steady hum of the furnace
and the shadows stretching
at four in the afternoon.

i am a vessel with the plug pulled,
light as a dried leaf,
floating not because i have a destination,
but because the air is moving
and i am still here to be moved.

no mountain to climb,
no breath to catch,
no star to shine.

just the slow, gray peace
of existing
without needing a reason why.

my story

i wake with a similar pain,
an aching jolt that reminds me
the world will not be kind
for free.

the page feels heavy,
the ink as tired as i am-
like each word has to drag itself
out of a pit.

a soft breeze accompanies me,
flipping the pages with ease
as i stand by and watch,
astonished by the feat.

once it settles,
i place my hand on the next line
and feel the weight shift,
feel the story pulse beneath my palm-
steady and warm
like a heartbeat i had forgotten was mine.

the breeze returns once more,
and this time,
it wraps around my hand,
lingering, patient,
sitting with me as i begin the next chapter
in a story i have ignored for too long.

and so,
with the page open
and the air on my side,
i begin my story.