Tag: happy

break.

i wanted to write something here about my recent lack of posts over these last couple of months and my mental state regarding it all. poetry has been something that i have been so passionate about my entire life, and  hopefully will forever be something i enjoy doing. opening myself up to the world and posting my work for all to see has been an experience that has helped change me for the better and been a major factor in the way of breaking my shell. however, i would be lying if i said i did not feel like i have been losing my desire to write over these last 6 months.

i have countless times either picked up my pen and attempted to write in my journal or gotten behind a keyboard to try to type the thoughts out into my own art, but i have not been able to at a level that feels like.. me? i am not sure how to quite explain it but even with a recent boost of positive emotions in my life, i cannot find the words to put out writing that i deem acceptable.

i am hopeful that this is not me losing my desire to continue writing and simply a roadblock that my mind cannot figure a way around, but i am not sure at this point. i used to think my writing is dependent on a single emotion overwhelming me a bit by sort of “forcing” me to put thoughts to paper, but i’m not sure that is the case anymore. i have had a variety of emotions overwhelming me in the last couple of months but none have given me any desire to write. sure i have posted some here and there, but they are not ones i am fully happy with and moreso just me trying to keep this active.

with all of that being said, i am doing very well with my mental state currently. i would personally argue this is the happiest i have been with myself in a very long time and it’s not from any sources besides myself. i am focused on only me, my goals, and my life and that is something i have not done arguably ever. thank you to all that have supported. whether it’s loud or silent, i appreciate it and i feel it. i am going to disappear for a bit and if i ever come back to this site, i will be excited to share my work with you all that actually embodies me, jacob nathaniel roggensack.

thank you.

🌸🌺🌼

some stare at the sun,
fans that stole its name
as they smile upon it.

some rest their eyes in darkness,
waiting until first light
to unveil their beauty.

some pass along love,
bringing others together
in moments of vulnerability.

some can produce sweetness,
a bite producing flavors and juices
that fill an appetite.

in combination,
they create such wonder-
love, sadness, compassion, joy,
and much more.

no matter,
any creation would fill my void
and complete the beat
my heart has been missing.

🎆

another cycle complete,
highs that made me feel invincible,
lows that almost swallowed me whole.
chaos in between,
like the world had no idea what its plan was.

loved deeply,
cried harder than i thought possible,
smiled until it hurt,
laughed so much that i went silent.

screamed at the universe,
and then sat in its peace,
finding stillness in the spaces between the noise.

stood at that cliff and took in life,
every memory began to flood
as i closed my eyes and took a leap-
landed on my feet.

through it all,
still standing, still breathing,
and somehow,
i’m so damn happy.

this year was mine.
all the mess, all the beauty,
i made it through,
and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

🍂

the air grows cooler,
fresh against my skin,
carrying the scent of change.

the sun bows earlier now,
painting the sky in calm golds and reds
as leaves do the same to the ground.

the days feel slower,
even easier-
like the world is learning to breathe again,
and so am i.

peace settles in softly,
not loud or sudden,
just steady,
like it finally found its way home.

at the edge

i stood at the edge,
the wind tasting of salt and freedom,
the drop and the silence below
calling themselves peace.

i used to think that falling
was the only way to stop from breaking,
that the world would understand
why the air didn’t catch me.

my toes curled over stone,
the ocean marking my target
as i took a deep breath in,
bracing for the shove.

but it never came.

the horizon sang
with a beauty and hum
i will never forget-
the sky golden and alive
as i opened my eyes.

my ache is still here,
but it beats with my heart-
asking me to stay.

i took my step back,
not in fear,
but in wonder
at how much more there is to live for.

🤖

rusted gears grinding
as the body fell apart,
forcing itself to push
without any strength.

sparks caught,
oil spilled,
rhythm ruined by the stutter,
but the machine still had some life.

in the quiet hours one day,
a soft click took place-
a slow whir
as the heart found its beat.

the pulse has returned,
running with a smoothness
it has not had in years.
still scratched, still scarred,
but humming-
a machine that remembers breaking
and still tracks time beautifully.

i am free.

it took time,
but i am free
from the torment of fear,
of myself.

i hand the map to the wind,
no longer needing the guidance
as i opt for what was once insane to me-
a path of my own creation.

no crowd, no hand to hold-
only the river to keep me company
in a world of silence and peace.

i am the voice and the sound,
the ocean and the tide,
the storm and the calm after.

i am the soil and the seed,
and i control my destiny.