i never thought i’d make it.
not to here.
not to anywhere.
the fear kept me above the surface-
not hope,
it was never hope-
just the knowing
that if i went under
i might drag others down with me.
so i decided to float.
years blurred into a painting.
there were lights along the way.
faces.
hands that held mine without asking why they were cold-
why they were shaking.
moments so perfect they almost convinced me
this was worth living.
and sometimes,
i forgot to be afraid.
it happened more often.
the fear unraveling,
quickly disappearing.
until the day i noticed
it was gone.
no shadow trailing me.
no weight pulling at my ankles.
just still water.
too still.
and i understood-
the weight i thought was drowning me
was the only thing
keeping me afloat.
without it,
there is only the plunge.
the silence
and the knowledge
that the surface will not call me back.
that it is over.
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rog's poems 