disguise

being like this,
it isn’t fun.

i want to cry
but my body forgets how.
i want to scream
but my throat chooses silence.

i don’t want to shake
but my hands reveal my secret,
full of shame
and embarrassment.

i don’t want to drown
but my thoughts continue to pour in,
plugging the drain
and overfilling.

i don’t want to be this way,
fighting my battles alone.
scared to show my pain,
happy to share my disguise.

i wish someone could see
past the skin i wear so well,
and grab my hand
to calm my storm.